A Virginia Liberal

Why is everyone always talking about a cool million dollars? Is the million dollars itself cool, or is it what you buy with the million that’s cool? Wouldn’t it be ‘a cool million receipts’ instead? I guess it’s moot anyway. I mean, let’s face it, once Bill Gates got the million, there was no way it could ever be cool again.
Scientists tell us that if you left 27 million monkeys in a room and gave them all typewriters, they would eventually write Hamlet. The internet really blew that out of the water, huh? (27 million, incedentally, is how many subscribers AOL has right now, rounded to the nearest cool million).

I believe in karma. That means I do terrible things to people all day long because they deserve it.

I have to thank Rush Limbaugh for inventing a news-oriented talk radio show. Now, everyone can call in and tell millions of other people what they think. The idea with CNN, CBS, NBC and others was find someone who knew what was happening and spread that around. Now the idea is to find someone who doesn’t know anything and spread that around.

To be fair, not all of Fox News is biased to the Right. Some of their programs are consistently informative and stimulating. I’m talking of course about Fox Weather. If you think all of Fox is biased, you’d be oh-so-wrong. Wait a minute. Last time I watched Fox weather in a diner I just wanted to know the humidity for the next day, but the lady just wouldn’t shut up about global warming.

You don’t know jack shit
That’s not true, I know him well
Haha
I’m serious
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So there.

I recently made the mistake of checking out Sean Hannity’s book, Let Freedom Ring, from my library. I’ll jump right in.

Remember how Ann Coulter called her endnotes (a pain to reference) footnotes (convenient to reference)? Sean doesn’t even HAVE endnotes. Or rather, he has them, but they’re not numbered. In Ann’s book after she said something absurd there’s a number, which, if you find it at the back of the book, turns out to be a lie. Sean doesn’t even give us that much. You can go through an entire chapter without a single reference to an endnote at the back of the book. In fact, you can go through the whole book without such a reference. This is because, if Sean actually told you which one of his ‘facts’ referred to which particular piece of ‘research’ he ‘did’, then you’d realize he made it up. Before we get to his ridiculous and indefensable claims, let’s take a look at the list of research at the back of his book.

“In 1994, after all…: Michael Winerip, “SAT Increases Average Score, By Fiat,” SAT Riles Some Academic Experts,” USA Today, June 14, 1994, p. 6D; Tamara Henry, “Highest Scores in Years on New SAT,” USA Today, August 24,1995, p.1D; Editorial, “A Curious Hike in the SAT,” Rocky Mountain News, August 25, 1995, p. 45A.”

Now I know the paragraphing can be weird with Blogsome, but in this case it doesn’t matter. All that was one big, homogenous mass. If I didn’t know better, I’d think a blogger wrote that.

Let’s stop for a minute or ten to decode what research was done here. His quote was four times removed. FOUR times removed. He quoted a guy, who quoted a guy, who was quoted quoting another guy. After all, if we got too close to actual information, we’d notice that Hannity was lying.

And like I said, there’s no way of knowing what that four-times removed quote was even referring to. This endnote is not referenced with any kind of number or even a symbol. Not only do we not know what he’s saying, we don’t know what he’s saying he’s saying it. Confusing, I know, but trust me, so is this book. Furthermore, those big, homogenous masses I was talking about? They go on, sometimes for pages at a time, often for ten or more pages at a time. And there are NO numbers linking anything to anything. Hannity has found a very effective way of covering up A) Lying or B) Being lazy and not doing any research.

Now, here’s a quote of Hannity, showing just how much he hates gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and the transgendered. Especially the 7-year-old ones.

“ON February 8, 2002, the NEA board approved a plan designed to make schools safe and hospitable for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered students. The plan encourages school districts to enact policies punishing harassment and discrimination. It also urges schools to make materials on homosexuality available for classroom discussions. The NEA is hardly ashamed of its activities.”

Whooh-wee! I know I’d be ashamed if I was not horribly cruel to the most openly hated, slandered, oppressed and vicitmized of America’s minorites! Exactly how many 6 or seven year old kids, do you think, have had a sex change operation? Maybe by college, but the vast majority of students do not go to state colleges. Realistically, less than one percent of high school kids will actually be transgendered. More to come/